What Your Spotify Wrapped Says About You, 2024 Edition

Graphic by Taya Welter

Ah, yes, here we are again, finally through with another trip around the sun. Over the course the inevitable shitshow that 2024 found itself to have grown into, so much music graced our headphones (seriously, it was so much, Mix Mag Asia reported that more music was released in a single day in 2024 year than the entirety of 1989 according to a study conducted by Music Radar); some good, some great, some really, really bad.

But as the year comes to a close, it comes time to reflect one again on not only the sheer volume of fresh tunes that came our way, but also the music that defined and stuck with us throughout the year. And what better way to celebrate that journey than with the holiday before the holidays, the biggest musical event of the year; Spotify Wrapped! We change so much January to December, but Spotify refuses to let us forget the sonic growing pains, reminding us at a time when we're most vulnerable of those regrettable and shameful little pockets of musical obsessions that we've done all but phased out of our current algorithms. Without further ado, here is what your Spotify Wrapped says about you!

Your Top Songs

If Your Top Songs included:

A song from any or all of the Powerpuff Girls of pop music (Chappell Roan, Charli XCX, Sabrina Carpenter):

You're either gay, cocaine gay, or gay passing. As always, I don't make the rules. You had easily the best summer out of any of your friends, oscillating between dating apps and situationships like a bowling ball on a string in a high school physics class, and living to tell the tale. Unfortunately, you still wake up the next morning thinking about your ex. Good luck, babe.

Any song from The Tortured Poets Department:

You're dedicated to a fault, almost to a terrifying degree, but you are not a girl's girl. You find subtle (and not so subtle) ways to undermine your peers to distract from your own jealousy and mediocrity. You long for a sense of community, and in doing so, find yourself tolerating and perpetuating toxic "mean girl" behaviors, whether you realize it or not. Bonus points if it's a song from The Anthology edition, or, god forbid, The Eras Tour Setlist edition.

Any song from the Kendrick-Drake beef:

You're an extremely competitive individual by nature. Whether you know you're going to open up a can of whoop-ass, or if it'll be opened on you, you bet the house from the first hand and deal... I should specify, that's if it was a Kendrick song in your Top Songs. You might have "Push Ups" on your list completely by accident, assumedly from over-explaining the chronology of the beef to your considerably less online friends and family. But, for that tiny fraction that got it there purposefully, I ask of you but one question; certified what? It should be noted, however, that if "meet the grahams" is in your Top Songs, not only are you the scariest person in the room at any given moment, you most likely cannot be trusted not to weaponize sensitive information.

A song from Post Malone's F-1 Trillion:

A Bud Lite hates to see you coming.

Any Zach Bryan song:

In light of recent events, including, but not limited to Bryan’s recent breakup, album flop, and abuse allegations, I will refrain from alluding to or pointing out overly specific character traits. Instead, I will let your actions do the talking for me. Your favorite turn of phrase is "you have to separate the art from the artist," and you've done a real bang up job. You constantly misinterpret the messaging in most forms of entertainment and media, and go out of your way to warp the best to best suit your story. I beg of you to remember that this machine still kills fascists. It might save your life one day.

Editors Note: Travis Scott's "FEIN (feat. Playboi Carti)" has been excluded from this list do it's professional party status.

Your Musical Evolution

This years Top Genres section was presented by way of the Musical Evolution section, showcasing your growth (or regression) in taste and sound. If Your Musical Evolution included or evolved into:

Americana, Indie, Rock:

Comfort is the name of your game. You're set in your ways, you know what you like. You don't shy away from new things; the new fads come and go, and you appreciate them, but you always gravitate back to the familiar sights and sounds. The names might change and your headliners might get a little younger year after year, but you always find a way to stay in that little pocket you've sewn together for yourself.

New Wave Pop, Synth Pop, Hyperpop:

You're not used to someone else being the center of attention, and when someone else started hogging your spotlight, you took that personally. You're fueled by the thrill of the fight, you physically cannot be stopped until you get your get-back. But while you may have reclaimed your place in the limelight for now, you may not hold everyone's attention for long. You've been making the same noise for so many years, isn't it about time you switched it up a bit?

Shoegaze, Metal, Hardcore:

Change occurs without warning and in oh, so many stages. As we get older, we try our best to get tougher and steel ourselves against the harsher realities of the world around us. However, there are times when the day to day needs to feel a little gruffer, the soundtrack needs to sound a little harsher, and your outfit needs to be a little blacker. Now, you may look the part, but I see what's underneath; that gruff exterior and hardened scowl gelled onto your face (no pun intedned, heh) do very little to mask the kind, empathetic dork underneath all those spiderweb tattoos. Arf arf!

House, Dance, Electroclash:

Break out the leather pants, gays, theys, and lay-days (ladies), it's always brat summer in a boiling backwater techno club. You're bringing back downtown sleaze one set of green eyeliner at a time (are you bumping that?). You're a three-six-five party girl, are up, poppers are in, and outfits made of micro-everything are so back (are you bumping that?). And no, to answer your question, that guy does not look like The Dare, he's just wearing a suit and has a mildly unconventional homestyle haircut.

Neo Soul, Dirty Rap, Hip Hop:

You know what, this was a big year for you. You've bore witness to months of consistent innovation and chart topping, captivating minds and eyes around the world with displays of showmanship, lyricism and cultural connectivity. You are an innovator, a tastemaker, and a damn good time to have around. We understand if you need a short break in 2025; you've been working hard, you've earned all the good that's headed your way.

Your Top Artists

If Your Top Artists included:

Benson Boone, Gracie Abrams:

You fall asleep listening to your job's inoffensive, corporate coworker playlist. When you tell people you “listen to a little bit of everything,” you actually mean you’ll listen to anything. Your undiscerning ear has wrought many a grating industry plant upon the realties and nightmares of retail and corporate service workers across the world, and for your crimes against your fellow man, you shall one day be punished accordingly. You are also frighteningly bland.

Charlie XCX, The Dare:

You're brining indie sleaze back to Bushwick one thrifted suit at a time. You go out to clubs in small towns and get visibly upset when the DJ’s choice in mixes don’t perfectly align with your brat-pilled, “Femininomenon” themed playlist. You don’t stay mad for long though, you plan to drink until the music changes your life. Is that giving brat? I don’t know, man.

Doechii, GloRilla, Sexyy Red

You are the life of the party, the turn-up monster. You know every word to every song and you somehow know everyone at every party you go to. Your confidence is often mistaken for arrogance, but your shades are too dark and the camera lights are too bright for you to notice a wallflower hating from outside the club.

Khruangbin

I'm going to cut it so real with you, you could be the coolest person in the room in every building you walk into if you'd just make your presence known. You prefer your peace and quiet over the exaggerated hype of your local social scene, but you find comfort in knowing you're always invited. You might not be a familiar face at the dance hall, but you know every dive bar in town.

Mk.gee:

Your superiority complex, while understandable, may be clouding your judgment. Your hyper fixations ares integral to your character, we know this, and we know that when you find that special little thing that speaks to you in such an immense cosmic way, you want to share it with anyone who'll listen (or within earshot). Unfortunately, while you may have immaculate taste behind closed doors, your playlists may still need some fine tuning before they're aux ready. "DNM" is not appropriate for the pregame (that is, if you surround yourself with cowards and non-believers).

As always, everything written here should be taken with a Himalayan grain of rock salt and a generous helping of good fun. Until next year, happy listening!

Rob Lucchesi

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